i’m pretty much confused right now. i have so many things in my mind and i really can’t tell which one i’ll do first. 

remember the last time i’ve posted about where i should go? if i should be in australia or canada? i’ve chosen canada. i think it was a brilliant idea and a really wise decision. everything else was already set. i went back reviewing my ielts, god i’ve been doing it on and off for a year now. it’s making me feel a little bit awkward already. i feel so old in class. i don’t even understand why do i have to review english. i’m like learning it since prep. urgh — I ‘ve downloaded the application forms for provincial nominee in canada. even went on few surveys among my friends who are processing their papers as well. i was so focused on the whole idea of it. no one can beat me! that was me. yea WAS!

over the past few weeks, our family has been going through a tough time. financially, emotionally, and physically! i’m not gonna go on details about what happened but we are currently walking on rocks right now. so just imagine all terrible things. and it has blown me into pieces.

ok, so here’s my issue. i’m a graduate nurse and hell yea i’m already registered. after passing my board exam i was one of the lucky ones who were able to get to practice my profession. i went into volunteer program for 6mos and eventually became a casual employee. everything was pretty much smooth, though i wasn’t earning really big. let’s just say it was just right to support my needs. everything fell down when one of my supervisors went behind my back. i’m such a brave person. so when she did that i did everything to defend myself even if i knew that it would cause me my job. again i’m gonna cut the story. eventually i resigned. it’s easier than to admit something you did not do. unfortunately i’m back on volunteer program, on a different hospital this time. here in the philippines, salary is not really an issue. it’s not really what we need. we must admit, experience is what’s more important to us. as of the moment i’m only earning P150/ day. you can laugh all you want but it is the truth. 

i am so frustrated. like to the nth power i am terribly frustrated about my career! a lot of my batch mates are now in abroad. middle east, UK, canada, australia, NZ. name it. they’re everywhere. a year ago, when i got unemployed, i literally dragged  my ass in every agencies i found on the internet and newspapers. i got several interviews that i passed and of course i failed some  too. i even went on interview for caregivers, office worker, and even tried to invade the world of call center agents. whenever i pass an interview i’ll end up in a table telling me change this  change that. edit this edit that. “you have to have 3 yrs experience, so change this date!” FOR GODS SAKE!!! are you fucking trying to bullshit me? anyways, back then i just had a year and a half experience so i did not punish myself much on thinking i’m no good at all. i just thought that maybe it wasn’t my time yet and i told myself “earn more experience. forget about the money.” 

i went back on duty as a volunteer. i told my parents, whatever comes to me i’ll get it. middle east or english country i’ll get it. it’s been another fucking year and i’m still here. i understand that they are already getting frustrated over my life having no directions. but me too. i dont know if anyone can really imagine one’s agony over waiting for something s/he really likes. i have loads of plans in my head and im really having a hard time deciding which one to take. i’m considering every opportunities coming. 

right now, again i’m having 2 thoughts if i’m really gonna pursue my application for canada. because it will take a loong lonng loooooooooong time processing it. right now, i really need  to help my parents. i need the money. i want my mom to get a  retirement already. she can’t work at all. she’s always having seizure at work. i dont like her to wait for another 2 years. 

i’m really confused. i know that there is really really something wrong here. like maybe, my attitude towards job hunting or my focus. could you guys help me out and give me some tips about this stuff? that will be so much appreciated. i know that this is really ridiculous that im seeking help here in tumblr but i think this  blogging thing helps. it’s like my head is shouting to the whole world and i just love the idea of getting new ideas from random people. thank in advance. 

sponsors will be accepted too. hahaha just kidding but i dont mind if you’ll be serious about it. LOL

:3